My Only One
by gracielovesyou
Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name. WARNING CONTAINS SELF HARM. Please give it a chance though?
1. My Only One

**Rating: T may go up. Not sure yet.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England, as I'm English makes it easier. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or any of the characters, would love to though.**

My Only One

Hello. My name is Santana Marie Lopez, and I am 16 years old.

I like many things.

Food, music, horror films, Disney films, (like the really old ones, my favourite one is The Lion King, but if you tell anyone I'll deny it immediately and you will have to watch your back cos I will come for you and go all South East London on your sorry ass.) Singing, writing, drawing, reading, Star wars, superheroes, (I am a little bit of a nerd. See previous threat.) But most of all? I like her.

Brittany S. Pierce.

Only, she'd never look twice at me. Not since that.

I won't go into what that was now, but I genuinely regret what I did. I love her, and now she won't even acknowledge my existence.

It all started when we were 7...

/

'MIJA, HURRY UP, YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL' I heard my mothers voice from downstairs. I looked around my room. It's a complete mess and I can't find my shoes. I knew mami was right when she told me to tidy it, but being a smart assed 7 year old, I refused to, she wants it clean, she should do it herself.

'MIJA! NOW!' I quickly saw my smart school shoes sticking out from under a pile of clothes. I grabbed them and hopped downstairs, trying to put them on while avoiding my older brother as he shoved me out of the way so he could go to the bathroom. My mami was still calling me and I hurried as quickly as I could. She was waiting in the car, I grabbed an apple and my school bag as I jumped in the passenger seat beside her.

'Finally, what took you so long?'

'I coudn't get my shoes on' I mumbled with a mouthful of apple. Wasn't a complete lie but I wasn't going to admit to her that I couldn't find them because of the state of my room, that would be a win for her. Even as a 7 year old I was snarky and didn't see eye to eye with my mother. I was rather mature for someone my age.

She pulled out of our driveway and headed to Georgewood Primary school in South London. It was the start of a new term and I couldn't wait to see my friends again. Quinn, my best friend had been on holiday all summer and I didn't get to see her at all. I admit my summer had been rather sucky. The family who lived next door moved away, so I couldn't play with their kid anymore, the house had been sold but no one had moved in yet. I spent most of the summer at mi abuelas or in my room.

School passed like normal, excitement in the air. I hated it. Looking around in the assembly at the sea of people, all in our bad uniform, who has bright orange uniform? Ugh. The only good things that happened were seeing Quinn and finding out we had a new student that would be starting next week. Well it wasn't all that good in my opinion but that caused the most excitement, all the boys were convinced it was gonna be a tough guy from the inner city, and that he would be best friends with all of them and kick ass. This one guy, Puck as he liked to be called, said that no matter how tough this new guy was, he would kick his ass. Whereas all the girls, Quinn included, said it was gonna be a really pretty girl from the countryside and she would be really rich and have like 5 ponies. I didn't know and didn't care. So what? A new student. Woop de doo.

It wasn't til I got home that I found anything to become remotely interested in. There was a moving truck next door to my house. I had to walk home from school cos Mami was working and so was Papi. I jogged up the pavement to my house and stopped when I saw a woman exit the house next door.

'Brittany, can you please help us out? I know that you want to play with Lord Tubbington but he's only a kitten and you need to take him inside so he can get used to new surroundings.' She had a funny accent, and from watching TV I guessed she was American. I looked to my left and saw a little girl hop out of a car just in front of the truck. She was really pretty, she had long blonde hair and blue eyes, she was carrying what looked like a cage with a big ball of fluff in it. I stared at the girl, I assumed it was Brittany. She turned and saw me looking, she grinned suddenly and skipped over to me. I wanted to run inside before she talked to me but I was stuck fast and soon she was standing before me with her hand held out for me to shake.

'I'm Brittany S. Pierce. My mummy said not to talk to strangers but you look really pretty and friendly and I'm guessing you're my new neighbour, so I thought I should come say hi. This Lord Tubbington, he's my cat. He's really friendly too and says hi as well.' She talked really fast and with the same accent. She was still smiling massively with her hand held out, looking at me expectantly.

'I'm Garbage fa- Er, Santana. Santana Lopez.' I said taking her outstretched hand and shaking it.

'You have a really nice name San. I like it a lot and it really suits you, do you wanna come round and play sometime? We have a trampoline and I would like to be your friend.'

I didn't know what to do so I nodded, dumbfounded at this girls honestly and if _I'm_ honest her eyes. I couldn't stop looking at them.

'Brittany? Who is this?' A tall man said coming over to us with a massive box in his hands. I realised I was still holding her hand and I quickly pulled away, grabbing the straps of my backpack.

'This is Santana Lopez, daddy, she is our neighbour and my new best friend.' I blushed, even with my darker complexion you could still see my cheeks had grown pinker. I don't know why I blushed maybe it's because she was so forward.

'Nice to meet you Santana, I'm Christopher, Brittanys dad. Do you go to Georgewood?' I nodded. I noticed his accent wasn't as strong. 'Brittany is starting there next week, once we are settled, it's nice that she knows someone already.'

'Yay! San you'll help me won't you?' I nodded again, I was really nervous around her for some reason. 'Thank you Sanny! Daddy, I have a friend already.' He laughed and ruffled her hair.

I smiled for the first time since meeting this strange girl. 'I-I should go in... I have chores to do before mi mami gets home.'

'Of course. It was nice meeting you Santana.' Christopher said smiling.

'Bye San!' Brittany said as she waved and skipped off indoors carrying her cage of fluff with her. I quickly turned on my heels and went inside.

I managed to finish all my chores before my brother Marco returned home. My mum would be home at 5. I looked at the clock. 4:30. Marco was in his room doing homework and I decided to make cookies for Brittany.

I got my kids cookbook from my bedroom and sat at the kitchen island looking over the recipes. Mi mami came home and was curious as to how my first day at school was. I didn't mention school much at all. All I could talk about the blonde haired blue eyed american girl next door. Mami laughed and agreed to help me make her cookies, and that we'd drop them round after dinner.

I was happy with this arrangement, we made double chocolate chip ones. She should love them. Papi laughed at my excitement about my new friend, they both knew I wasn't a very friendly girl and the fact that I hit it off with someone new so quickly they were happy about. Mami came with me as I skipped up their path, the plate of cookies in my hands.

I guess Brittany saw me coming as she answered the door before I even got to their porch. 'Hey San!'

I smiled at her nickname for me, no-one else calls me San.'Hey Britt. We made cookies for you!'

Her parents appeared behind her and our parents introduced themselves while Brittany dragged me inside with the cookies. I wasn't as nervous as earlier. I looked around and noticed all the cardboard boxes dotted about. They layout was the same as my house and she took me into the kitchen. She took the plate and put it on the side. I saw the ball of fluff from the cage earlier sitting on the back of the couch. She picked it up and brought it over. When she came closer I noticed two yellow eyes glaring at me.

'This is Lord Tubbington. He's my kitten. He looks fat but he's just big boned.' She seemed to always be smiling, and in truth it was infectious. I giggled and stroked him gently. 'He likes you' She said as he started purring. He was kinda cute once you get past the glaring eyes and all the puffy fur.

'Mija? Time to go, you have school tomorrow.' My mother called from the front door. I pouted and turned to Britt.

'I gotta go, I'll see you after school tomorrow?'

'Promise?'

'I promise.' She held out her pinky and I took it in my own smiling. I skipped out to my mum and we went home waving.

/

I remember that day like it was yesterday. The first time I ever saw Brittany. I remember everything. Looking back on it now, it was impossible for me not to fall in love with her. She was just perfect. She still is. I cry everytime I think of her, of that day. The way she makes me feel. All because of a few stupid mistakes. She's always been my everything, ever since that moment when she came bounding up to me.

I've never been one for feelings. For emotions. My parents probably helped with that. They have always been pretty shitty. There were a few rare occasisions, like that one, where they appeared to be good, loving parents. Anyway I can't blame them for my stupidity. Ha. That word. _Stupid._ That fucking word was probably part of why she hasn't spoken to me for a year. She passes me in the hallway at school but just looks straight ahead. In my classes, she's on the opposite side of the room.

What I wouldn't give to hold her again. To feel the softness of her skin. Feel the warmth of her body radiating off her as we snuggled in my bed watching Disney films and eating junk food. Even just to hear her voice. But the one thing I miss about her the most is her smile. The smile that lights up a room and makes my heart perform complicated gymnastic manoeuvres in my chest. Fuck I miss that.

I miss her. Terribly. She's the only thing in my life that was good. Now I don't even have that. I'm nothing without her. There's that saying. 'You don't realise how good you have it, until it's gone.' Or something like that. There hasn't been a truer saying in my opinion. Except maybe 'Santana Lopez you're a worthless nothing.'

I know we're only young but sometimes you just know. The moment I lost her, I felt as though another part of me had been torn away. I felt like half a girl. I would never say any of this outloud. That's why I'm writing it in here. Everything.

Brittany was the light in the dark. The good in the bad. The yin to my yang. My soulmate.

I need her back, but I can't have her. And that's all my fault. I have lost My Only One.

/

**A/N Hey all thanks for reading this, I know that I am currently working on another fic ATM, a SYOC one but obviously that takes aaages and I will update as soon as I am happy with what I got, still got more characters to introduce. But for now I wrote this, I gots way too many ideas to focus, so I figure getting them out would be a good start. I try to use American terms where possible, but this is set in South East London, cos I actually know about that area. Woop. Anyway please review and if you have any questions then hit me up.**

**Gx**


	2. Birthday

**Rating: T may go up. Not sure yet.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England, as I'm English makes it easier. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or any of the characters, would love to though.**

Birthdays

29th March.

This date is so important to me. Why? It's her birthday.

Her birthday, the first without us being together. She wasn't even having a party. She had always said she didn't want one. She doesn't really like people fussing over her, she used to.

I can remember so many birthdays spent together. I remember her 12th birthday...

/

I walked up to the front door of the Pierce household, the place I've grown to call home over the last few years. As always Britt had seen me coming and had opened the door before I had even reached the front porch. I couldn't help but smile as her eyes had grown impossibly wide when she saw the size of the box in my hands. It was huge.

She grabbed the box from me but put it down and pulled me into a really tight hug. Like. Really. Tight. 'B-B-Britt... I... B-breathing. Can't'

'Sorry!' She let go and smiled at me. She linked my pinky in hers and after picking up the box again dragged me inside. I managed to get my breath back as she pulled me into her front room. Her mother was in the kitchen making everyone food before placing it in a wooden hamper, her dad was putting up a birthday banner and her younger sister, Jo-Jo, was banging the top of a box with the TV remote, convinced she was helping. I loved seeing her family. It felt normal, I thought back at my own family. My dad working again, my mum asleep on the sofa with an empty vodka bottle next to her. The perfect family right?

I ignored the anger that started building up inside of me at the thought of my dysfuntional family. The plan for the day was doing all the things Britt-Britt loves. We were all going to the park to have a picnic and feed the ducks. Then back to her house where we would have a sleepover, watching movies and stuff. It was gonna be fun. I wouldn't admit it it to people like Quinn but I much preferred this than going shopping or whatever. Britt was innocent and I loved that about her.

'Santana!' Mrs Pierce said leaving the kitchen to come and hug me. 'How are you sweetheart? It's great you're coming with us today, Brittany hasn't shut up about you joining us today. And what is that in your hands Brittany?' She looked shocked at the size of the box in her hands.

'It's Sans present for me! It's really big, can I open it now?'

'Not yet honey. We'll open them all after I have finished making the picnic, why don't you and Santana go watch cartoons with Jo-Jo?'

She smiled and we went and sat down on the sofa, putting on Cat-Dog. Jo-Jo climbed up onto my lap gave me a hug, she didn't speak much but she really liked me, Lord Tubbington was curled into my side and I sat with my pinky still linked with Britts. Eventually we had all sat around Brittany as she opened her presents. She said she would save the best til last and she pushed my box out of the way while she opened the presents from her parents.

They had got her great stuff. Dance clothes, new ballet shoes, a costume for Lord Tubbington, a few new CDs, a unicorn pillow pet, which she named Pegasus. The best present though was a phone. It was a small brick one but it was perfect for both of us. I myself had gotten a phone for my birthday, and scrolling through we saw that her parents had already programmed not only their numbers in, but also my mobile and house phone also. We added her number into mine. She was grinning from ear to ear as she pulled my box towards me. It wasn't massive massive, but it was the biggest box there and it was the same height as her when she sat on the floor. She kneeled and peered inside.

'San...'

'Yes Britt?'

'Why did you get me paper?'

I giggled a little and lent over her shoulder. 'It's hiding your presents B. You gotta look for them!'

Her grin grew and she started pulling all the paper out. I had saved my pocket money of £5 a week for ages to save up for 4 presents. Each one was wrapped in newspaper and I couldn't stop staring at her eyes shining as she pulled each thing from inside.

The first thing I got her was a cuddly duck toy. It was the same size as Lord Tubbington and almost as fluffy. She smiled even more and hugged it tight, declaring that it would be accompanying us to the picnic so it could see its family again. The second thing was a framed photo of us at the beach last year, she had buried me in the sand and written in the sand it said, 'Sandtana and Brittasea.' It had made us giggle for weeks afterwards. The third was a set of PJs she had been admiring. It consisted of a tank top and shorts with dolphins on them. The fourth and final thing was the most expensive thing. She pulled out the box it was in and looked at it curiously.

'Open it Britt.'

She licked her lips and opened it carefully. I watched her face light up at the sight of the bracelet in front of her.

'Oh San!' She pulled it out and I helped her put it on. I held up my right hand and showed her the matching one.

'They're charm bracelets. I got us both matching heart ones. Do you like it?'

She threw her arms around my neck knocking me backwards. 'I love it, it's perfect!' She kissed my cheek and I immediately blushed. Her parents were chuckling. They started getting the stuff together for the picnic but I couldn't move. The spot on my cheek that her lips had touched was on fire. I was stunned. I pushed thoughts of what would happen if I actually kissed her to the back of my mind. I had noticed lately that I really wanted to.

She was... more developed than me. I had noticed that her chest was larger and she had more shape than me. I had tried to push certain innapropriate thoughts from my mind, but it was getting harder. I often caught myself staring at her, and my hands tended to linger on her body longer whenever I touched her. I tried not to and as soon as I realised what I was doing I would stop. But she didn't make it easy.

I pushed these thoughts away again and focused on the day ahead.

The weather was actually brilliant for early spring, the sun was shining but there was a soft breeze so that it wasn't too hot. We had managed to get her to leave Theobald, (the duck), at home. It had been great, after eating our lunches we all strolled along the river until we got to duck mile. It was a strip of river that had the most amount of ducks. We don't know why it was called mile because it wasn't that long, it just always was known as that. I sat on the riverbank and watched as Brittany rolled up her trousers and waded into the cold water feeding the ducks. She was fantastic with animals, and the ducks always ate out of her hands. Her parents had taken Jo-Jo to the kiddie park and had told us to meet them there when we were done. I watched her feeding the ducks and I didn't stop smiling. I looked away for a second and I heard a massive splash. I turned around and Brittany was in the river!

My heart was in my throat as I ran over to her. 'SANTANA!' I knew she couldn't swim well. Shit. What if I lost her? I stopped just short of the actual river as I realised she was sitting down giggling at me. It wasn't deep at all and she was laughing about I scared I was.

'BRITT'

'HAHAHA YOUR FACE SAN!'

'It's not funny, you scared me. I was worried about you.' I pulled her up and out. She was dripping wet and her white t-shirt went see-through reavealing a red polka dotted bra accentuating her perfect breasts. I subconciously licked my lips and quickly looked away before she noticed I was staring. 'M-Maybe we should, er, get you home. Get you changed.'

'Ok. Race you to the kiddie park!' She ran off before I registered what she had said.

We got back to her house a little while later. She got changed into her new pjs and after giving me a baggy tee and an old pair of sweats we went and ate pizza with her family. It was a nice normal quiet dinner and again I found my thoughts drifting back to my own house next door. Shaking off the feeling Brittany and I went upstairs to start our movie marathon.

I was snuggled into her left side, as always our pinkies linked. The lights were off and we were surrounded with junk food. We started with The Lion King. She knew it was my favourite and then we watched The Little Mermaid, her favourite, both of us singing along with the songs. She put in the third film but I found myself not watching it.

I was watching her. I watched her sing along with songs. The way her eyes sparkled in the light of the screen, the reflection of the film shining in her eyes. I found myself watching her lips, the shape and I mentally took a note of the particular shade of pink they were. I imagined leaning forwards, taking them in my own and tasting them. _What?_ I tried not focus on the film but again all that was on my mind was the beautiful blonde on my right.

'San?'

'Yeah?'

'Whatcha thinking?'

'Erm. Nothing really. Just school.' I hated lying to her, but I didn't want to freak her out.

'San?'

'Yes B?'

'Can I kiss you?'

_WHAT? YES. NO. Did I hear right? She wants to kiss me? She's expecting an answer numbnuts._

'Er. If... if you really want to.'

'I do.'

We turned to face each other and both licked our lips. I talked a good talk at school, but honestly I had never kissed anyone. And now the one person I have wanted to kiss for ages wants to kiss me too. We leant forward and closed our eyes. Our lips connected.

Wow. Fireworks. We were barely touching but it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I wanted to pull her closer, to taste her more, feel her tongue on my own, but as I lifted my hand to her face she pulled away.

She rested her forehead against mine smiling. She pecked my lips again and pulled me to lay down next to her. She flicked off the TV and pulled me flush against her body.

'Thank you San. I love you.'

'I-I... erm. You too...'

She stroked my face softly and gently pulled me in for another kiss. I placed my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into me more, our kiss deepened and I felt like I was flying. We pulled away and I rolled over, she pulled me against her body so we were spooning and she fell asleep.

/

I lay awake that night, thinking about _that kiss_. It was my first kiss and it was perfect to me. I had spent weeks afterwards thinking about the way her lips felt on mine, the taste of her raspberry lip gloss. It took me months after that to build up the courage to kiss her again, and when I did it led to a lot more... but that's not important now.

The point was that day was special to both of us. It was our first kisses. Not only that but the day was perfect in general. But, I don't know why I couldn't just tell her that I loved her too. Because I definitely did. I wouldn't change anything that day except that. I would tell her that I loved her too and we would be happy together now, and nothing would have been fucked up.

But today was her 16th birthday.

As I said before she didn't want a party, but that didn't stop people celebrating at school. Her fucking cripple _boyfriend_ Artie had tried to be romantic, giving her a bag of love hearts and a teddy. It's not Valentines Day dipshit. Her friends gave her clothes and CDs. That was better, but none of them know her like I do. I noticed that she always wore the charm bracelet though, which gave me hope everyday that she still loved me.

I knew she wouldn't talk to me but that still didn't mean I didn't want to give her a present. I was gonna win her back, even if it kills me. I bought her a few things to prove to her how much I loved and missed her, she wasn't going to talk to me but I was gonna force her to listen.

I knew her locker combination, and by skipping Spanish (I'm fluent so I don't know why I bother taking it, easy GCSE I guess...). Anyway by skipping Spanish I had plenty of time to get into her locker.

I knew her favourite american cereal. Lucky Charms. It was hard but I managed to get her a box. I got her The Little Mermaid DVD and another charm for her bracelet. It was a duckling shape, finally I got a picture of her, one of my favourites of her 11th birthday and I slipped it inside her locker with a note.

_Britt-Britt._

_Happy 16th Birthday. It feels weird without you. I got you these presents to prove that I love you. I know I made a mistake but please, it's so hard living without you. Going to sleep at night without seeing a text from you. Looking at you at school and being completely ignored. The thing that hurts the most is seeing you smile that perfect smile. The one that lights up a room and shows off your shining white teeth. It's seeing that smile and knowing that I didn't cause it. I know I hurt you but please remember, that I will always love you._

_Now and forever,_

_Always yours,_

_San._

I don't know if she saw it, whether she read it or anything. But one thing I know is that I won't ever give up. Not until she is mine again. She is My only one.

/

**A/N Please review I hope you liked this chapter, also let me know if you want a chapter from Britts POV? I will reveal Santanas mistake soon. Maybe? Who knows? Any guesses at what she did? I know what she did but do you? haha Thanks for reading and also thanks to everyone who followed/ favourited it. Much love! (also I will be updating SYOC soon, it's gotta be fairly long ya know?)**

**Gx**


	3. Mistakes

**Rating: T may go up. Not sure yet.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England, as I'm English makes it easier. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or any of the characters, if i did it would focus entirely on Brittana and their perfectness.**

_WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM, it's only minor but it is included._

**A/N Hey all, don't have a Beta so all mistakes are my own, also don't really have this completely planned, like I know the basic story I'm gonna have but I'm basically winging it. My tumblr is .com if you want it. Please review. Much love to all who alerted etc. Even love just for reading it.**

**Gx**

/

Mistakes.

I saw her again today. As normal. She was riding around on cripples lap, giggling. It hurts so much to see her like that. Happy without me. We were always inseperable. I can't stand being without her. I suppose you're wondering what I must have done so wrong?

I can't tell you that yet. I just can't not without telling you the reasoning behind it.

It all started with my mother...

/

I kissed Brittany on my porch after school, she had her dance class and had to shoot off straight away. I pouted as she pulled away, I wish she could come in so we could get our sweet lady kisses on. But no.

'I'll see you later baby?' She said smirking at my pout.

'You better, otherwise I may have to break in and punish you.' I said wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. We haven't dont _that_ yet, but we were pretty close and I kind of wanted to. Even though the thought of it scared me. We were both virgins but the way we were going, we wouldn't be for long. We had been together for a year now. We were both 15, after we kissed on her twelfth birthday we often got... close again. But we didn't decide to be a couple until we were both 14. Since then we had come out to basically everyone, even my parents, who took it better than I thought, even though we were so young.

'Punish me eh? Then maybe I won't drop by...' she winked and I felt my face grow hot as I blushed.

I leant down and kissed her again before waving goodbye as she walked off, hands thrust into her pockets and her dance bag thrown over her shoulder. I sighed and turned to go inside after I watched her disappear around the corner, the door was unlocked which meant one of my parents was already home. Funny I hadn't seen either of their cars in the driveway.

'Mami? Papi?' I called.

I walked in the front room and saw my mother on the sofa, her hands shaking as she poured herself another glass of wine. I guessed she'd already had a few as there was an empty wine bottle and half of the current one was missing. She brought the trembling glass to her lips and finished it in one gulp. I sighed again. 'Mami?'

Her head jolted upwards. 'Mija? I wasn't expecting you home so early. Why aren't you at school?'

'School finished ages ago Mami. It's 4:30 pm... Why aren't you at work?'

'I-I-I haven't been to work all day. Is it so late already?' Her eyes darted round the room before resting on me again. 'Sit down princesa there is something I must tell you.' She patted the sofa next to her as she quickly poured another glass, and again drunk it in one gulp. I sat on the chair opposite her not wanting to be near her when she was so out of it. She tended to have rather violent mood swings, and even though she's only hit me twice, I didn't want to feel the sharp sting of her back-hand again. I noticed her eyes were red and her makeup had run down her face. I guess she's been crying, which is normal when she gets this drunk. 'Santana baby... It's your father...'

My eyes grew wide as I panicked. _Was he hurt? Is he okay? Papi!_ 'What is it? What's happened?'

'He isn't hurt.' I let out a sigh of relief. _Wait if he wasn't hurt then why was my mum still upset?_ 'He's left us.'

I felt like the floor had given out beneath me. _She's lying, she's so drunk she's confused. He probably just left for work and her mind twisted it into something else. He wouldn't do that Santana._

'He called me a drunken alcoholic selfish bitch, and told me he's leaving me for Penny. His receptionist.' She chuckled bitterly. 'How cliched... He's been fucking that slutty homewrecker for years. He packed his bags this morning and told me he wouldn't be coming home.' She broke down into sobs and I didn't know what to do. Her words sinking in and the reality hitting me like a ton of bricks. _He's gone._

'Does Marco know?' I asked close to tears myself. My brother was at University in Central London. She nodded. 'Where is Papi now?' She shrugged and started crying again. I have never seen her so vulnerable. I tentatively put my arm round her and held her close as she cried. This was the closest I've been to my mother for years and it felt like I was hugging a stranger. I decided to call mi Abuela who came around immediately, making my mother eat and taking her to bed. She stayed with my mum in her room as she cried. I sat on my bed that night, unable to cry. I texted Britt telling her not to come round.

Despite this I knew I needed to see her. I climbed out of my window and to the tree in the back garden that went over her fence. I dropped down from it and climbed up the other tree which led into her bedroom. I still couldn't cry. She opened the window and ushered me in running over to lock her door. She saw the look on my face and pulled me into a hug. We sat on her bed and I finally let go, my sobs making my whole body shake with anger and disappointment. Eventually I calmed down and told her what had happened. She said nothing, just stroked my hair and pressed soft kisses to my forehead until my tears subsided.

I looked up and pulled her face down, kissing her hungrily. I needed to feel loved, needed to feel special. I quicky straddled her and moaned softly as she deepened the kiss her hands grabbing my hips and pulling me into her harder. I broke away from her lips and kissed and nipped at her neck, sucking on her pulse point as she let out a deep throaty moan.

'San-' She whispered, I started pulling at the hem of her pajama top, continuing with my assault on her neck. 'No San. Stop. Not like this.' I groaned and pulled away stroking the dark mark that I had left on her neck. 'I'm sorry San. I want to but... not like this. I can't take advantage of you when you're upset.'

'I know. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have tried anything.' I said getting off her and snuggling into her side as we layed on her bed. She kissed me softly.

'It's ok Santana.'

I cried again. Sobbing even more violently than before burying my head into her neck. 'Why don't they love me? Why doesn't anyone love me?' I cried hating myself and my family. 'Why am I not good enough for anyone?' She pulled me off her and made me look into her eyes. Cupping both my cheeks.

'San. Look at me. I love you. I love you more than anything. More than I love Lord Tubbington, Jo-Jo and my parents combined. You are perfect and special. I know you love your parents but no matter what happens you are a great person Santana Lopez and you know that I am always here for you.' I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but honesty and love. I kissed her again softly and snuggled into her.

'Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to be alone...' I mumbled quietly.

'I wouldn't have it any other way, you can borrow some of my sleep clothes if you want?' I nodded and she kissed my forehead as I got ready for bed. I slept curled into her that night, basking in her warmth and her love. I still couldn't tell her that I loved her. I wanted to but I couldn't get the words to form in my mouth. But I really did love her.

/

That was the start of the end. After that night I couldn't help it, but I started to push her away. I didn't mean to. I needed her, I needed her so much. But I was a fool. I just couldn't see how anyone could love me like she does - did. She can't possibly love me anymore.

I noticed again that she was wearing the charm bracelet, and that the duckling had joined the others on her wrist. I smiled when I saw it. That meant she had gotten the presents. Point to Santana. That smile stayed until I got to my own locker and saw a note had been shoved through the slats.

_Santana,_

_Thank you for the presents. You're right you really did hurt me. I still hurt everyday knowing what happened between us, I do still have feelings for you I guess but I still can't face you. Maybe one day we will talk and resolve everything but for now I want you to give me my space. A year is a long time but it's not to a broken heart. I'm with Artie now, and he actually treats me like I should be treated. I miss you. I miss being friends but like I say, I can't handle 'us'. Thank you again for the presents, I'm glad you remembered my favourite film after all this time and I enjoyed the cereal._

_I'm sorry for being a bitch._

_Brittany._

I crumpled the letter in my hand my eyes welling up with tears. She still had feelings for me. But didn't want to be with me. I felt like a knife had been shoved into my heart and that I had jumped off a cliff and was plummeting to earth at 500 miles an hour. I need her back. I need her more than I did when my parents split. She's my Britt-Britt and I'm her San. I ran into the toilets and hid in a cubicle sobbing. It's not like I didn't have any friends I could cry on. I just didn't want anyone. I wanted her, but she doesn't want me.

Then I did something I promised myself I would never do. I reached into my schoolbag and took out a pair of scissors. I stroked the blade of them before rolling up the sleeve of my school jumper and gently pressed them to my right arm. I increased the pressure and moved it along. It hurt like hell but it felt good. I watched as the blood seeped from the incision and dripped onto the floor. _I'm not good enough for anyone. No one wants me. I'm worthless._ It was all true. As I watched my blood fall every bad thought went with it, and I felt light. The bell rang for class. Wiping my eyes with my other hand I quickly licked off the blood and then wrapped some tissue around it, pulling my sleeve down to hide it. I quickly put my scissors away and went to my next class.

I couldn't concentrate, all I could think of was the pain in my arm and the one who caused it. _She had._ All she had to do was love me back, and this never would have happened. She's caused me pain. She had lied to me, saying she'd always be there for me.

Brittany had hurt me. In more ways than the physical. I had been hurt by my only one.

/

**(A/N Can you see a pattern? Sorry for the last bit but I felt it was needed to show how badly this was effecting Santana...)**


	4. Princess and the Pierce

**Rating: T may go up. Not sure yet.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name. WARNING CONTAINS SELF HARM. Please give it a chance though?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters, as much I'd love to.**

**A/N I saw that in the last chapter my tumblr didn't come up. It's awkwardteenagenerves dot tumblr dot com. So yeah. Anyway you may have noticed that I changed the summary, that's because I realised I should have mentioned earlier it contained self abuse. I do apologise for that but I did plan for it to be used all along, I just never thought to mention it. Thanks for reading. Also please review as I don't think there is any interest in it and that I'm only writing for a few people, I'd really appreciate it? Much love.**

**Gx**

/

Princess and the Pierce

We spent pretty much everyday together, playing in our gardens or each others rooms. She often came with me to Mi Abuelas to keep me company. We slept round each others houses and even if my mother said no, we'd always sneak into one anothers rooms to talk before bed. Until she got a phone, then we'd talk long into the morning racking up pretty high phone bills that neither set of parents were impressed with.

I loved sleeping round her house though as we always had so much fun and played the greatest games...

/

I strolled up to Brittanys door, again it opening before I got there, she pulled me into a hug and shut the door, I said a brief hello to the rest of her family before she dragged me upstairs by my pinky. We put on some music and started dancing round her room singing along to Steps and S Club respectively.

_Don't stop moving, can you feel the music DJ's got us going around, (round)_

_Don't stop moving, find your own way to it, listen to the music,_

_Taking you to places that you've never been before baby now..._

We had our own little dance routine to it, and she was a great dancer doing it in perfect time, with such grace. Whereas I was lucky if I remembered it, doesn't matter though we had fun. After about an hour of non-stop dancing I flounced onto her bed completely worn out.

'Ok Britt-Britt you win. I can't do anymore, I'm too tired to dance.' She giggled and jumped on the bed next to me. Lord Tubbington walked in and hopped onto her bed beside me glaring at me before curling up and going to sleep. 'B, why doesn't Lord Tubbinton like me? We've been neighbours and best friends for a year. He looks at me funny.'

'He's just crabby, cos Daddy took away his cigarettes. People get moody when they give up smoking...' She said matter-of-factly. I giggled internally. 'Let's go have dinner, dancing makes me hungry.' She jumped up and dragged me downstairs again. We sat up on the kitchen island just as her mum put two bowls of noodles in front of us.

'Tuck in girls, you always have impeccable timing when it comes to food. If only you could be like that for school.' Her mum said chuckling at us. It was true, as soon as food was made in the house we were there like a shot waiting expectantly for it to be presented to us.

'Mom... What does impeccable me? Is it like we can't poked?'

'No Britt,' I said smiling at my best friend. 'you're thinking of unpokeable. I don't know if that's a word, but impeccable, is like perfect. Like your dancing. I think...' I turned to Mrs. Pierce frowning, hoping I'd got the definition right. She nodded and smiled at the compliment I had given her daughter.

'Oh. Like your singing then?' She said, I blushed. Why does she make me blush so much? It's not fair. She giggled when she saw a pink tinge to my darker complexion. We ate in silence. It wasn't awkward but it was nice. After we finished, I helped her wash up our plates, and helped her with her other chores. They weren't exactly chores, mainly watering plants and putting fresh towels in the bathroom.

After this we went back into her room, where her dad had put an air mattress up for me. We smiled, I never slept on that, we always shared her bed but her dad set it up anyway. We jumped on it for a little while and pretended we were pirates and that it was our ship.

'Arr, Cap'n Britt. Thar be a royal ship to starboard.' I growled in my best pirate voice. (I didn't know what starboard was I just knew it was pirate language for something). We looked really silly, we both held a ruler as a sword, she had a pirate hat on and I had tied a scarf around my head like I saw in a book once, she also put on a pair on sunglasses with one lens missing claiming it was her eyepatch.

'Arr, I see it Cap'n San. Fire all the cannons and RAID THE SHIP! ARRG!' We laughed jumped on her bed pretending to fight off royal soldiers and steal treasure. 'AHH CAP'N SAN!' She shouted laying on her floor. 'CAP'N OVERBOARD HELP!' She started rolling around on her floor pretending to be drowning in the sea.

'NO!' I pulled her onto our 'ship'. 'BRITT DON'T DIE ON ME!' I said poking her. She had her eyes closed and her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth. I smirked and tickled her. She immediately started giggling and declaring she was alive. 'I win.' I said smiling smugly at her stopping tickling her.

She looked up at me. We both stood up on the floor and took off our pirate attire. She grinned and ran over to her make-up box producing a tiara and skipping over to place it on my head. She bowed. 'Your highness.' she said. I giggled and curtsied. We were both feeling tired from our pirate game, she sat on her bed and so I walked over to her chair and sat on it, neither of us noticing the ball of fluff that currently resided on said chair. Lord Tubbington hissed at me and scratched my arm, not quite drawing blood but making my arm sting. I yelped and jumped away from the vicious cat.

'LT. YOU DON'T SCRATCH PRINCESSES.' She picked him up and carried him out of the room. When she came in I was holding my arm and pouting looking the scratch on my arm. She grabbed my hand carefully and took me into the bathroom. She ran my arm under cold water, and even though I wasn't bleeding, she grabbed a unicorn plaster from the cabinet and put it over the welt the scratch had left. She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

'Thank you.' We went back into her room and she bowed again offering me her hand, which I took tentatively. She pulled me towards her, placing my hand on her shoulder holding my other hand and putting her other hand on my waist. We danced slowly smiling.

'Just like Cinderella and Charming' she said.

'Not quite, Charming didn't save Cinderella from a scary dragon.' She chuckled and I rested my head on her shoulder as we danced.

/

Even at 8 we were destined to be in love. Deep, true love. I know I am still.

I had to stay late after school today, my P.E teacher Miss Sylvester was impressed with my throw in rounders today. So she made me stay an extra hour to practice and improve it. Yay? Because I had stayed late school was basically deserted, there were no clubs after school on Thursday. I walked down the main corridor when I heard music coming from one of the rooms. Curious as to who'd possibly stay after school _by choice._ I followed the sound to the dance studio.

_hoo hooooooo ooooh_

_Everybodys got something,_

_They had to leave behind._

_One regret from yesterday,_

_That just seems to grow with time._

I peeked through the window in the door and saw Brittany dancing. Her body moving perfectly in sync with the song her eyes shut tight as she felt the music flow through her.

_There's no use looking back or wondering,_

_How it could be now, or might've been._

_All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go._

_I never had a dream come true,_

_Til the day that I found you._

_Even though I pretend that I've moved on,_

_You'll always be my baby._

I watched her turn, leap and bend in a number of ways, her body expressing the feelings of the song. I carried on watching her and I didn't mean to but I found myself singing along.

_I never found the words to say,_

_You're the one I think about each day._

_And I know no matter where life takes me to,_

_A part of me will always be,_

_with you._

If there was one thing I loved about her, was her dancing. I couldn't tear my eyes away, I just carried on watching her singing quietly under my breath. I stayed for the entire duration of the song, thinking about how fitting the lyrics were. It's true. Even though we pretend we've both moved on, I know that she's always mine, whether she'll admit it or not.

_No Santana, she's already told you no. You're worthless Santana. Why would anyone want you? You're spoiled goods. You don't deserve anyone, especially not someone as perfect as Brittany._

I ran before she could even remove her iPod from the dock in the studio. I ran home, not stopping until I saw the familiar cracked garden wall, the overgrown weeds and the cracking paint that was my house. I ran inside and went straight to my room.

_You're nothing. No one will ever love you._

I needed to be rid of these thoughts.

_Nothing._

I went into the bathroom and picked up my razor.

_Worthless._

I broke it. Freeing the blade from the plastic.

_Pathetic._

No one was home, I picked the blade up from the floor and took off my jumper.

_Good for nothing._

I placed it against my skin. Feeling the cool metal slice into my skin.

_Bitch._

I marvelled at the sight of the blood dripping to the floor again, pooling at my feet. I immediately felt lighter and better. It wasn't quite enough, so I did it again. I sat there for a while watching myself bleed. Watching how the deep red mixed with my clear tears. I cleaned it all up and wrapped a bandage around my arm, putting on my jumper again.

I knew I should stop. But I couldn't. I'm not good enough for Brittany. For my only one.

/

**A/N If you guys want a visual to pirate Brittana send me a message on my tumblr and I'll upload one on there. The songs used were both S Club, the first was 'Don't Stop Moving' the second was Never Had a Dream Come True.' Thanks.**

**Gx**


	5. Firsts

**Rating: M now. For this very chapter.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name. WARNING CONTAINS SELF HARM. Please give it a chance though?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters, but lets be honest that would be awesome? No frankenteen or hobbit, well maybe a little bit of hobbit gotta have someone for Quinn to love and Santana to tear down. :D**

**SMUT WARNING.**

/

Firsts

No-one has noticed the marks on my arms. Or if they have, they don't care. _No-one cares._

Finn said something today, that really bothered me. I overheard him and Fuckerman talking at their lockers. He said: 'Arties upset man, Brittany still won't put out, he wants your advice on how to get her to sleep with him, but he's scared of you so asked me to do it. Any tips on how he can get Pierce?'

I smiled at that. For a second. I smiled because it meant Britt hadn't done anything since she had been with me. Then I realised that Stumbles was trying to get her to have sex with him. I couldn't allow that, I needed to get rid of Wheels. For good.

While I pondered a plan to dispose of him. my mind wandered back to _our_ first time. Mine and Britts. We had both given ourselves to each other and I thought that it would have deepened our bond.

/

Five weeks. Still nothing. He was my father, and he couldn't even show his fucking face. Five weeks of nothing, no contact. I didn't even know where he went. Mums drinking got even worse. She got through at least two bottles of wine a day. Doesn't sound that bad until you think about how she has one bottle _BEFORE_ she goes to work. Then when gets home has at least one if not two more before dragging herself to bed. Sometimes she went out all night and I didn't see her til the next evening. Tonight was one of those nights, she had come from work, had a bottle and picking up a bottle of vodka she left the house.

I hadn't spoken to Britt for a few days. It had been the weekend, she went to her aunts up in Scotland and I had skipped school on Friday. It was Monday night, I had skipped again today, calling up saying I was sick. I couldn't face going in. Not knowing if my mum was gonna be there when I got home, or at all. I was able to cook luckily, otherwise I'm sure that I would have starved by now. I made myself enchiladas, silently chuckling at how stereotypical that was. After eating I went to my room to do the homework that I had been avoiding all weekend. After a few hours I heard a quiet, almost non-existent tapping noise at my window, looking up I managed to make out the figure of my beautiful blonde dancer.

I smiled, I should have known she'd turn up after my absence both today and Friday. I got up off of my bed and opened the window. 'Hey Bri-' I was interrupted by soft lips crashed against my own. I pulled away. 'Itt. At least come in before you assault me.' I helped her in and again she kissed me, pulling me close. We seperated from lack of air and she looked at me sheepishly.

'Sorry... I just really missed you. Scotland sucks. Why weren't you in school? You aren't ill.'

'I just couldn't face it B. Sorry. And don't apologise for kissing me.'

'Ok sorry. How is everyone? You haven't replied to my texts... Or my calls.'

'Sorry, I...er... ran out of texts and I missed the calls, in the shower or whatnot.' She frowned, I hated lying to her but I didn't want to admit that I couldn't tell her how I felt. I didn't want her to see me as weak. She stopped frowning and kissed my cheek.

'You didn't answer my question San... How is your family?'

'Oh.' I gulped, fighting back tears that already started welling up in my eyes. 'They're fine. Just. Great.'

She kissed my cheek again. 'Wanna tell me the truth? Please? You know I love you, you don't have to tell me...'

'Mami is AWOL. Papi hasn't been in touch since... yeah, I have no idea where he is. And to make it worse Abuela is in hospital again. I'm worried about her Britt. I'm scared. Marco e-mailed me saying that he wouldn't be coming home for a while. I'm on my own' I buried my head in her neck but managed to hold back tears. She stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. We stayed like that for a little while before she shivered from the cold, the window was still open. I broke away from her tight embrace and shut the window. 'I need a cup of tea. You want one?' She nodded and I took her hand and led her downstairs. I made two cups of tea, making hers nice and sweet, the way she liked it. We sat at the kitchen island drinking our tea and talking, about her grandparents about Devil Cat. Sorry. Lord Tubbington, and about pretty much everything BUT my dysfuntional and somewhat depressing family.

'You going Pucks party on Friday?' She asked. I nodded, we heard he was able to get alcohol and I saw it as a chance to have fun and get drunk with Brittany, we'd only been drunk a few times before at family BBQs and it tended to get awkward as she had a habit of removing as many of her clothes as she could. Most of the time we were able to keep the inner stripper at bay but sometimes it was rather hard. It took a lot of self control on my part when she's thrown herself at me before. _A lot_. Of self control. We both agreed we wanted to be sober and happy when we took the plunge and took our relationship to the next level so I often managed to remove her hands from under my shirt and tuck her into bed before we did something we'd regret.

We finished our tea and went back to my room, feeling happy again, I pulled her onto the bed with me capturing her lips in my own. She deepened the kiss and our tongues battled for dominance. Things got heated as hands wandered. It was nothing we hadn't done before, touching I mean. Her hands had found their way up my shirt, gently cupping my breasts over my bra, my hands were firmly planted on her arse as I lifted her thigh up over mine, which was now resting in between her legs, clothes being the only thing seperating me from her centre. She moaned into my mouth turning me on even more. I sat up and pulled off my shirt and then doing the same to her. We kissed again before she rolled me over and was pinning me to the bed. Her lips traced kisses down my jawline to my neck and I felt myself getting wetter. 'Brittany' I husked. She pulled away and looked into my eyes, her blues eyes were clouded with lust and they were definitely a shade darker. She looked so hot. 'I-I...' I couldn't say it. More than anything I knew I should have. 'I-I want you.' I eventually stuttered out. She looked a little disappointed, but no sooner as she seemed it, she was back assaulting my neck and I moaned loudly. Our movements were rough, desperate almost as soon we were going further. Her hands gently massaged me, coating me in my own wetness. She was looking at my face, waiting for confirmation that I was ready. I nodded slightly, scared and I felt the intrusion. I closed my eyes and winced at the pain. It hurt, but in such a perfect way. I moaned and shuddered as she slowly thrusted in and out of me.

'Santana.' She whispered. My eyes were still closed. 'Look at me. Please.' I slowly opened my eyes and stared into her deep blue orbs. 'I love you.' I moaned and closed my eyes again as I neared my orgasm. 'I want to stare into your eyes as you come. Santana look at me.' I did and when I saw again how turned on she was, I came undone, shuddering and moaning as I rode out my orgasm. She kissed me softly and laid next to me, gently removing her finger from me. I pulled her in for another kiss. It deepened quickly and soon my hands had found their way into the waist band of her panties. She nodded then gasped when I entered her. Slowly creating a rhythm to try and make her feel the same way I did. As she neared her edge I looked into her eyes. They looked so full of love that I couldn't help it.

'I love you.' I said staring at her. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she let out a noise that almost made me come again. She came down from her high as I peppered her face with kisses. I'd said it once and now I couldn't stop. 'I. Love. You. I love you. I. Fucking. Love. You.' each was punctuated with a kiss. She grabbed my face and kissed me deeply. 'I love you.' I repeated. I felt the pad of her thumb run over my cheek as she wiped a tear that I didn't realise I had been crying.

'I love you too.' My heart swelled again as brown eyes met blue. 'Now shut up and kiss me.' I obliged happily.

/

We spent that night discovering each others bodies before passing out from exhaustion in the early hours of the morning. We had been late for school as we woke up late due to us working out so much the night before. I felt closer to her than I ever had before. Then I went and fucked it up.

I formulated a perfect plan to remove the cripple from the equation today, completely by accident. As I walked past the boys locker room I saw him making out with Girl Asian on the bench. It made me furious to see him doing this to Brittany, especially as I knew how she felt about this sort of thing. I stopped myself before I stormed in there and gave them both a piece of my mind. This was perfect and as much as it would hurt her I just had to get Brittany to see he was cheating on her.

I basically followed him at school and found he got with Tina pretty much every chance he could. I left an anonymous note in Britts locker to tell her to keep an eye on her _so-called perfect boyfriend_.

But so far nothing, I wasn't sure how I was gonna get her to walk in on them.

I still cut myself everyday. These... thoughts were getting worse. More frequent. More harsh. It was getting harder to ignore and seeing Artie cheating on Britt wasn't helping. _No-one cares._

Everytime I saw it, I felt my blood boil and I felt helpless. He was hurting my Britt-Britt. He was hurting my only one.

/

**A/N What's this? Two updates to the same story in one day? : O Haha. Hope you like this chapter and I hope you don't mind it got a leetle smutty. I felt it was needed. Please review. Much love to WWTGGD and Chrissie32 for reviewing, and love to everyone who followed/favourite the story and/or followed/favourited me!**

**Gx**


	6. Colours of the Wind

**Rating: M.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name. WARNING CONTAINS SELF HARM. Please give it a chance though?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters, but I do use them like puppets for my own entertainment.**

**A/N Hey all I hope you're liking the quick updates, I'm really liking this fic for some strange reason. (btw anyone else agree that naya riveras voice is like sex to the ear? I'm listening to my Santana playlist and seriously it's like woah.[yeah I have a Santana playlist. It's normal]) Please review? Much love.**

**Gx**

/

Colours of the Wind

I was watching TV earlier, and a certain Disney movie came on. 'Pocahontas'. I cried the whole time I watched it, I couldn't even finish watching it. It was too hard. I turned it off after 'Colours of the Wind'.

Although Brittany and I's favourite Disney films are The Little Mermaid and The Lion King respectively, we both adored Pocahontas. One time when we were 7, a little while after we met in fact, Brittany and I watched the film...

/

'PLEASE SANNY?' Britt begged pouting at me. I had only known her a few months but already I couldn't help but give in when she pouted. She had me wrapped around her little finger.

'Urg fine.' I looked down at the dress she was thrusting at me and took it from her.

'YAY' She hugged me. 'Now go get changed.' She said pointing to the door. I sighed and left the room in defeat. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I looked at the dress. It was light brown and had tassles along the top, and a brown belt round the waist. She had actually got the costume, all that was needed was the blue necklace. I rolled my eyes as I put it on. Looking in the mirror, I realised I kinda really looked like a mini Pocahontas. I walked into her room, she'd disappeared.

'Britt? I'm wearing it... Where are you?' I heard a crash from the hallway and I ran out to see Brittany hopping around trying to get a blue shirt on that was obviously her dads. I giggled. 'What are you doing Britt-Britt?'

She looked up at me her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration while she tried to tuck in the shirt. 'I'm getting my costume on.'

'Who- Oh...' I realised that she was trying to dress up as John Smith. I laughed and helped her. She grinned.

'Thanks San.' We rolled up her sleeves and linked pinkys walking back into her bedroom. 'Oh I have something else for you, can't properly be Pocahontas without it.' She ran to a box in her room, which I guess was her dressing up box, as it was filled with different items of clothing and miscellaneous hats and things. She turned around and happily presented the necklace to me. I smiled and turned around so she could help me, catching sight of us in her mirror I saw her tongue sticking out and her eyebrows burrowed as she concentrated on the clasp. When she managed to finally get it on she grinned like a bobcat. I gasped when I realised we actually did like a miniature John Smith and Pocahontas. It was kind of scary. She pulled an old knights helmet from her box saying it was close enough to the one he wore. She went over to her TV and put the film back on at the bit where they first met. 'You promise you'll sing along?' I nodded and we sat on her bed watching and waiting for her to start singing 'Colours of the Wind'

'Wingapo' I said to her waving like she did on the screen. Which caused Britt to giggle and say 'I think I prefer hello' along with John. We both smiled. When she starting singing we stood up and started acting it out, I knew both the song and the scene like the back of my hand so acting it was like second nature.

_You think I'm an ignorant savage,_

_And you've been so many places,_

_I guess it must be so,_

_But still I cannot see_

_If the savage one is me_

_How can there be so much that you don't know?_

_You don't know..._

I smiled as I got up off of her bed and pulled her after me. She grinned like a fool as she jumped up.

_You think you own whatever land you land on_

_The earth is just a dead thing you can claim_

_But I know every rock and tree and creature_

_Has a life, has a spirit has a name_

I walked around her room, pretending different things were the cave, her bed was the cliff and she followed me around pretending to be John.

_You think the only people who are people_

_Are the people who look and think like you_

_But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger_

_You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew_

I picked up Lord Tubbington who hissed at me and plonked him in Brittanys arms pretending he was the little bear cub, she giggled and kissed his head before putting him back on the bed.

_Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? _

_Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? _

_Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? _

_Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?_

_Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?_

Once the song was finished we carried on acting out every scene, even the one where John got shot and Pocahontas threw herself on his body to stop her father from killing him, which we may have over acted just a little bit. When they kissed we simply hugged and giggled. Her mum came in the room at our little finale and raised her eyebrows in confusion when Britt was laying on the floor and I was on the edge of the bed looking into space and humming colours of the wind as we did the wingapo wave.

'Looks like you girls are having fun then...' She said glancing between me and Britt, who nodded excitedly. 'Wait one second, I'm going to grab my camera, this is too cute.' She disappeared as she ran to get her camera.

'What was that crash from earlier? When you were trying to get your John costume on?' I asked Britt suddenly, remembering how I found her dressing up.

'Oh... I knocked my moms make-up box onto the floor...'

'You did clear it up right?'

'Sur-'

'BRITTANY SUSAN PIERCE!' her mum called.

'oops...' She blushed and ran from the room.

/

I got that picture out of my special box in the bottom of my wardrobe, I thumbed the picture carefully. That was the first time I ever sung to her. I often sung her to sleep when she was scared, she used to ask me to come round during storms as she was terrified of them, I always did and sung anything she wanted until she drifted off to sleep.

I noticed how whenever we played a game of dress up, I was always the Princess, and she was the prince, she always pretended to be the person I fell in love with. She didn't have to pretend for long, to think that I fell so hard so quickly, I'm so foolish.

It's funny most people would probably peg me as the assertive one in the relationship, but in all honesty, that was Britt, she 'wore the trousers' in our realtionship, she's always been chivalrous and she has always been my Prince Charming. I have always been her Princess.

No matter what she's my John Smith. My prince. My only one.

**A/N I know that my chapters are short, but I don't see the need for them to be any longer. Hope you enjoyed, please review.**

**Gx**


	7. Stupid

**Rating: M.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name. WARNING CONTAINS SELF HARM. Please give it a chance though?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters, but I do use them like puppets for my own entertainment.**

**A/N Hello readers, I thought I'd update today, after seeing the new Batman fim for the **_**SECOND **_**time, I'm in a jolly mood. This chapter however is rather sad. :( But it is needed. Please read and review thanks to all.**

**Gx**

**/**

Stupid

Everything has gone to shit. Everything. I've just found out Mi abuela is dead. She died of lung cancer last night. I haven't stopped crying. Not only that but mi papi is still refusing to talk to any of us. Mami's drinking is getting even worse, she hasn't been home in almost 3 days, and Marco is having too much fun at uni to care about any of the problems back here.

What's worse is that Brittany is still with Artie, not realising what a complete and utter jerk he is. I can't stand it. It's not like I haven't been a jerk to Britt either...

/

I looked at the stunning blonde before me. Her shorts were tight and wonderfully short, her top was baggy and hung off one shoulder. 'You look stunning.' I said smiing at her.

'I know. You don't look too bad yourself' She giggled leaning down to give me a soft peck. I grabbed her neck before she could pull away, kissing her deeply. 'What was that for?' She asked when I finally released her.

'For being too damn perfect.' She giggled and kissed me again. Someone at the door coughed and we looked up to see her dad leaning on the door jamb waiting.

'I'm taking you to the party, but your mother said she'd pick you up, so she'll be ready to leave by midnight, if you want picking up a little earlier, then text us. Santana make sure you behave, Brittany make sure of it.' He smirked at me.

'Yes sir' I said giving him a mock salute, he rolled his eyes and said he'd be out at the car. Tonight was Pucks party, the first we had been allowed to attend. We were excited but also nervous as we didn't know what to expect. I had managed to steal some tequila out of my mums drinks cabinet, not that she'd notice it was gone, and we were gonna drink that and only that for the night so that things didn't get out of hand. I held Britts hand as we walked out to the car. The journey was short and as we pulled up outside we saw it was rather quiet. Christopher quickly reminded us about Britts mum coming to pick us up and again told me to behave. It was my turn to roll my eyes as he drove off.

When we got inside we saw it was only a handful of people, not the massive party Puck had made it out to be. There was maybe 3 sporty guys there, along with Quinn, Frankenteen, Manhands, Wheels, The Two Asians, Mercedes, Porcelain, Bowtie, Bright Blonde Bieber, Irish kid, Richy Bitch and that wrestler girl, Zizes was it?

'Hey Lopez and Pierce have arrived! That's everybody.' Puck declared as he shoved a plastic cup into ou hands, filled with some strange greeny-brown liquid. I tentatively took a sip.

'Ew, What the fuck Puckerman? What is in this shit?'

'No swearing Sanny, just drink it.' I scrunched my face up in disgust but took another sip, it wasn't too bad I guess.

'That my darlin' is the Puckasaurus cocktail' He emphasized the word cock and winked at me immaturely. I found myself rolling my eyes again as I went to sit down, Brittanys pinky linked with mine.

Music was playing softly in the background and I noticed that everyone who could, was making out with someone. Ew.

...

About an hour later I had Brittany pinned to her chair as I assaulted her face and neck with wet open-mouthed kisses, I was so turned on. I had only had two cups of that weird cocktail, but it was obviously very strong. 'San...' Britt whispered. 'Stop. Pucks football friends are staring at us. It's putting me off.' I growled and turned to them swearing in Spanish at them. They quickly disappeared into the kitchen to get another drink and I felt Brittanys breath on my ear. 'You're so hot when you get mad in spanish.' She nibbled my earlobe and I pounced on her again.

'BODY SHOTS' Puck shouted causing everyone to gather round the table. 'Which of you ladies wants to go first?'

'I will!' Britt called standing up and pulling me with her. 'San and I will do it.' She winked at me and I felt my arousal growing, she pulled off her top revealing toned abs. I licked my lips as Puck prepared the shot for us, using the tequila I had brought. Britt laid on the table and stared at me as I poured some salt on the skin between her breasts and her navel. I kissed it softly before running my tongue along the salt, savouring the combination of salt and sweet, sweet Brittany. It took all the strength I had not to jump on the table and fuck her senseless right then. After I was sure every last grain of salt was gone, I kissed her skin again before downing the bitter shot and taking the lime from her mouth with my own and sucking it. She sat up and kissed me roughly before the stupid guys started cheering. I pulled away and glared at them, ready to repeat my earlier rant.

'THAT WAS SO FUCKING HOT. LET'S PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE.' Puck shouted again obviously wasted on his own drink.

We all gathered in a circle and Brittany put her top back on. The bottle span for a few rounds, settling on opposite sex people who leant forward pecked each others lips and then sat down, it was rather uneventful until Quinn span and it landed on Rachel. Everyone was chanting for them to do it, so they shrugged and kinda went for it. Tongues and everything. Finn looked like his eyes were gonna pop out and everyone was staring. After 30 rather long and uncomfortable seconds they pulled away giggling as the guys were cheering again. The funniest was when Puck spun and it landed on his friend, Karofsky. They both refused to do it, but thanks to Quinn and Rachel saying since they had to do it then so should the guys. Both guys cringed but did kiss, it was a little more than a peck and no-one could stop laughing afterwards when they both pulled away and wiped their mouths in disgust.

Then it was my turn to spin, I was feeling really giddy and when it landed on Puck I giggled as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. We leant forward into the centre of the circle and kissed. It wasn't like kissing Brittany, Pucks lips felt rough and he got spit everywhere. It was really gross. Before I knew it I felt someone grabbing my waist and pulling me away from Pucks lips and everyone elses laughter.

Brittany dragged me outside. 'What was that San?'

'A kiss Britt, like we do. Only... bad, like, really bad. He's a sloppy kisser.' I slurred barely registering the fact she was talking.

'Really? It looked like you were enjoying it Santana. Why couldn't you have just pecked him like the other couples did? Hmm? No. You had to go and fully make out with him, right in front of me.'

'Fucking hell Brittany are you that fucking stupid? It was a kiss. It means nothing.' I stopped once I realised what I said. 'Fuck. Britt no. I- I didn't mean that. Britt please.'

'You think I'm stupid?' She started backing away from me. I tried to grab her hand but she yanked it from my grasp.

'No. No. I don't I think you're really smart and sexy and-'

'No. You were the only person in my life who has never said that about me. You won't even say it in front of me. Now you called me it. Fuck you San. I don't want to be with you anymore if you think that. Go and fuck Puck you obviously want to.'

'No Brittany, baby I don't-' I carried on trying to grab her and stop her walking away.

'Don't call me baby, Santana. We are over.' She ran off crying and I collapsed on the grass sobbing.

/

I was so fucking stupid. I had to open my mouth and ruin it. I had to walk home that night, she completely ignored me and my calls for months. I became a recluse, I didn't talk to anyone unless it was necassary, I spent all day and night locked in my room, only coming out to eat and go to school or use the bathroom. Eventually people gave up trying to talk to me and by the time summer rolled around I had basically no friends.

I occasionally speak to Quinn, but I don't want anyone other than Brittany.

She was perfect and I went and ruined it.

_Worthless._

These thoughts.

_Pathetic._

They were getting worse.

_Nothing._

Everyday.

_Ugly._

I can't handle it anymore.

_Bitch._

I need to get rid of them.

_Everything is your fault._

I need to cleanse my soul.

_Your dad left because of you._

I'm a failure. Of a daughter. Of a girlfriend. Of a person.

_Your mothers an alcoholic because of you._

I deserve to die.

_Brittany left you because you are nothing._

I'm sorry, I can't be what everyone wants.

I picked up my razor blade and cut, deeper and more frantically than ever before. On every inch of skin I could see.

It hurts. Oh it hurts so bad.

The room is spinning.

I fucked up everything.

And as I felt the darkness wash over me I thought. 'That's how I lost my only one.'


	8. Light in the Dark

**Rating: M.**

**Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name. WARNING CONTAINS SELF HARM. Please give it a chance though?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters, but I do use them like puppets for my own entertainment.**

**A/N Hello again, thanks to Maria for giving that extra boost to write this next chapter and also to peeps who, faved/followed. Much love to you all. This next chapter might be a little confusing so if you have any questions feel free to ask, the next chapter will be the last i'm afraid, but thank you for reading this and there might possibly be a sequel? Unsure yet I have some more ideas swimming around. :) Please review?**

**Gx**

/

Light in the Dark

I sat bolt upright in my bed, it was pitch black apart from a sliver of bright light peeking through my thick curtains. I stretched and yawned glancing over to my bedside clock. 13:17. Shit. I was seriously late to school, I was gonna ditch but I realised I had a project due last period, I'll just say I had a doctors appointment. Not like they could check with my mum, she probably still wasn't home.

I had a quick shower before putting on my uniform and garbbing my schoolbag, the house was silent. _Yep. Definitely still not home._ Walking to school I realised how quiet the streets were, not a living soul in sight. There weren't any cars driving down the main road. It was eerily quiet in fact. Shaking off the shiver that ran down my spine I quickened my pace. Just had to get to school then I'd be around people and it'd be fine. Even if those people were my classmates. And Brittany. I sighed as I reached the front gates. I couldn't see anyone through the windows, there was nothing. I frowned in confusion.

I jogged up to the main door walking into reception. Miss Pillsbury wasn't behind the desk. Strange. I walked into the main corridor and it was silent. Checking my watch I saw it was the second lunch period. If I remember my schedule right, then this corridor should be packed with my peers.

_Am I the only one who came into school? Surely it'd be locked if we had the day off._

'Hello?' I called to no-one in particular. Silence. I licked my lips nervously and wandered around the school looking into every room for any signs of life. It was empty. I had been running around for hours now checking everywhere, I even broke into the staffroom. The coffee pot was still warm, but there was no people. There was nothing.

It had started growing dark by the time that I walked out of the school building. I ran to the nearest house and looked into the windows. Again nothing. It suddenly dawned on me that I was the only person left. There was no one else. Oh no. Britt. I ran home screaming and shouting anything that came to my head. All in the hope that someone - anyone, would hear and explain what the fuck was happening.

I ran to the Pierce household and banged on the door screaming Britts name. Once again nothing. Panicking I ran round the back garden flinging my bag to the floor I clambered up the tree to her bedroom, the window was open but the room was empty. I climbed in and looked around. It looked as it did nine years ago, before it was redone. It was like it was a few months after Britt moved in. The pale pink walls adorned with crudely drawn crayon pictures of unicorns and tubbington and us. Drawn by both me and Britt on rainy days. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I glanced at them.

'BRITTANY!' I called again before sobbing and breaking down on her bed, it still smelt of her, vanilla, earth and a sweetness I could never name. It was just Brittany, I laid down pulling her pillow to my face and wrapping myself in her blankets as I realised that I really was the only person left in the city. In the county? In the country? The world? I cried again. The worse thing was that Brittany wasn't here. I was truly alone.

_**'Santana...'**_I heard my name being whispered softly. I sat up and looked around.

_**'Santana'**_ it was coming from outside, I ran out to the dark street.

_**'Santana'**_ I turned and saw mi Abuela standing under a dimly lit street light.

'ABUELA!' I ran to her. I wasn't alone, but as I went to hug her I was met with air.

_**'No Santana. You cannot touch me. I'm merely a figment of your imagination'**_

'Abuela?'

_**'No. I am not your grandmother. I simply took her form to make you feel comfortable'**_

I stumbled backwards, the voice was in my head. Her lips hadn't moved and she stared at me with eyes that were completely black, blacker than coal, than night. It was terrifying. She was looking at me so intensely I felt as though she was staring into my very soul.

'w-what are you?'

_**'I am Death. You chose this Santana, welcome to Limbo.'**_

'Why am I here?'

_**'Because you aren't ready to pass yet. You must find one thing before you can pass on'**_

'what is that?'

_**'You must discover it yourself. I cannot tell you'**_

'this is bullshit. What the fuck are you talking about?' I was panicking.

_**'Limbo is the state between life and death, heaven and hell. It is essentially nothing, usually when people come to limbo they are met with their greatest fear. In your case. Being alone.'**_

'That's not true, I don't fear being alone, I've always been alone. No one has ever been there for me. EVER. My own father ran from us, my mother doesn't care, my brother is having too much fun to care, and now my grandmother is dead and the only person I ever thought cared about me, won't even look at me.'

_**'that isn't true. And you know it.'**_

'really? Why don't you prove it huh? She hates me!'

Suddenly I was bombarded with images. They flickered in front of my eyes at a rapid pace. A blonde girl offering her hand, pinkies linked, two girls giggling, pirates, pocahontas and John, princes and princesses, a fluffy dragon, one girl reading a comic book while the other sits braiding her hair, mattress forts, dancing, singing, crayons and paper, laughter, smiles, kisses, a pancake on the floor, hands intertwined, more smiles, cuddlesin bed, the rain, cartoons, watching films in the dark, just pure happiness, it was all Brittany, me and Brittany. Then there was sadness, her crying, me cutting, her glancing at me in the hallway after she'd walked past, her looking at me while sitting on arties lap, her scribbling hearts with S's and B's in them in class, her stroking her charm bracelet in bed her face stained with tears, her staring out her window at me in the garden pulling weeds, her watching me at my locker, I was so caught up with how upset I was I didn't notice how it effected her. I thought she'd been ignoring me this whole time but in reality I had been ignoring her. How could I be so stupid?

_**'Do you understand now Santana? She has always been there, you just needed to look'**_

I nodded. 'It's all my fault, I was never truly alone, she was always there, just waiting for me... And when I did come to her. she was scared, in case I broke her heart again.'

_**'Yes Santana. This is all you needed to know to enable you to leave Limbo. Well done you can pass on you have finally realised something that has been staring you in the face for years. You can pass'**_

Death waved an arm and gestured behind to a door. It was a simple wooden door with _S.M.L_ on it in gold lettering. Death opened the door and looking inside I saw my room. _**'Welcome to heaven'**_ I stepped forward but stopped when I heard light sobs.

I turned around to face the sound. _'Santana, please.'_ I heard someone crying. It was Britt-Britt.

'Brittany? Where are you?' I shouted into the dark street.

_**'No Santana, ignore her it is time to move on. Walk through the door. Forget about Brittany'**_

I faltered as the sobs intesified. I looked between the door and behind me at the road where I heard her crying. I had a choice. Leave Brittany and go to heaven where I could be happy for all of eternity, or go back to her and be alone again. No. I wouldn't be alone. I had her. I had her all along and I'll be damned if I abandoned her now. Even if I went to heaven I wouldn't be happy, because I wouldn't have her. 'No. She is my love, my soulmate. I refuse to throw that away for some so-called perfect place. The most perfect place in the whole world, the whole universe in fact, is by her side. Day and night. Through thick and thin. I love her and I refuse to let that go.'

Suddenly there was a bright light and a soft voice. _'Please Sanny.'_

...


	9. Please

**A/N Final chapter you guys :( sad but also not, hope you enjoy, please review and thanks to Brittana-Forever-LOVE. I love love love your review :) This story was dedicated to someone special in my life, whether or not she's read it. Anyway it's only short but please enjoy the second update of the day...**

**Gx**

/

Please

-Brittanys POV-

_Beep Beep Beep._

I sat by the bed looking down at the beautiful girl before me. Her mother had disappeared after taking her to the hospital. She found her passed out on her bedroom floor. Blood everywhere. I had seen the ambulance and the paramedics taking her in the back of it. Sans mum let me come with her in the car, and has now disappeared somewhere in the hospital._ A great fucking mother._

I held Santanas hand and my eyes scanned over her soft features as though I was trying to memorise every curve and every beauty spot there. I didn't need to try. I saw her face everynight as I slept, her stunning beauty gracing my dreams with her presence and haunting my every waking moment.

_Beep Beep Beep._

I still loved her. I loved her with every fibre of my being. But after she made out with Puck at that party, and enjoyed it, I didn't see why. She cheated. I felt crushed, like every moment we shared, every smile, every kiss, every touch... I felt like it was all a lie. Maybe I could have forgiven her, maybe we could have argued then worked through the problems. Maybe then she would still be mine and we'd be happy together. Maybe she wouldn't be in hospital on the brink of death. My darling Santana.

(maybe maybe maybe)

_Beep Beep Beep._

But she said I was stupid. All my life I've been seen as the ditzy dumb blonde. Got great moves but is somewhat lacking in the brain department. She was the only person who stood up for me when the others called me stupid, or idiotic or even just snickered at me. The only one. But then she opened her mouth. Maybe she didn't mean it, maybe it was just cos she was drunk. But what's that saying? 'Drunken words are sober thoughts' ?

(maybe maybe maybe)

_Beep Beep Beep._

I sighed and looked at my ex-girlfriends arms, tracing the scars that covered them. My breath hitched in my throat and my eyes watered. Again. I fought back tears and I looked away from her to try and stop them from flowing. When I saw it. Her notebook. It was sticking out of her bag at a funny angle. I released her hand as I reached for it. It was a Batman notebook. I chuckled at her, she was such a dork it was adorable. I smiled at her unconscious form silently telling her how cute she was. I opened it up on the first page.

I gasped quietly. It was a journal. I closed the book immediately and put it down on the bed. It would be wrong of me to read it. I still wanted to. Tentatively I picked it up and again opened it to the first entry. The day we first met. I chuckled as I too remembered that day. I was so excited about moving to England. About meeting the little Spanish/English girl who lived next door with her cute British accent.

_Beep Beep Beep._

I saw what present day Santana had been thinking and it made my heart ache. How could I be so cruel? She had hurt me but I had taken this way too far.

The second entry. Our first kiss on my 12th birthday. I was so oblivious back then. It's obvious now that San was into me, I guess little me was kinda slow on the uptake. I too had wanted to kiss her for ages, I'm glad I asked her but I didnt need to. I could've just gone for it. I sighed at Santanas mention of this birthday. I had wanted her to be with me so bad. A single tear rolled down my cheek. I loved the presents she gave me. They were perfect, she knew me so well, Artie hadn't thought properly about it but she went through the effort of getting 'Lucky Charms' in. How? It was impossible, believe me I tried. But it looks like Santana was like Santa Claus. Not cos she was fat or because she had a beard. But because she could make the impossible, possible. I stroked my bracelet absentmindedly.

_Beep Beep Beep._

I read the third entry and stopped. I hated this. I remember feeling so helpless. I didn't know what to say or do to help her. And I felt mad. Furious even. Her parents were- are terrible. What else was I to do?

Fourth entry. I remember this clearly as well. the pirate game was so much fun and dancing with her was even better. I'm surprised about the fact she watched me dance at school. I had chosen that song because of her. I wore my bracelet because of her. I wanted to be her Prince becaused I loved her. I love her now. She has always been my Princess.

I carried on reading until I got to the 7th entry. I refuse to read that. It was the last entry in there, it's what triggered her attempted suicide. Glancing at it I saw it was me. Us. Our breakup. That and her grandma passing away drove her over the edge. I cried even harder.

_Beep Beep Beep._

I'm a terrible person, she was already so damaged, and I pushed her away, I should have been there, I should have been her comfort. Not a sharp blade.

I couldn't read anymore. Again I looked at her scarred arms. I caused them. This was my fault. Why didn't I tell her I loved her? Why didn't I break up with Artie the minute I saw the presents and the note? Why was I so stubborn? Why couldn't I just admit that I Brittany Susan Pierce was in deep unconditional love with the one and only Santana Marie Lopez. Why was I scared?

(why, why, why)

_Beep Beep Beep._

I linked my pinky with hers and sobbed, my tears dropping down onto the bedsheets.

'San. I don't know if you can hear me but I-I need to talk to you. I need to tell you the truth about everything. I need you to forgive me. Please forgive me. I love you. So much. You're perfect and amazing and I don't know what to do without you. I c-can't lose you San. I didn't mean for this to happen. I w-was scared Sanny. S-S-Scared of 'us' being together again, I was scared of being hurt but I-I know now that I was foolish and stupid like you said. Only I don't care about that San. I agree I am stupid, I'm so fucking stupid. I should've trusted you when you said that P-Pucks kiss meant nothing to you. Artie means nothing to-to me. Especially in comparison to you, I guess he was just there. He doesn't treat me right San you do. I judged you and mistreated you because of one mistake. P-Please stay with me San. Remember all the times we spent together, the play dates, the actual dates? Please remember. Remember that time we made p-pancakes? And we tried to flip them but I dropped mine on Tubbs' head? Remember? And how you used to risk climbing up my tree during a s-storm to sing to me when I was scared? I would sing to you but I'm not as a good a singer as you but remember that? And the time we danced in the rain on your 15th birthday? Remember? Please stay San. You can call me stupid everyday if you want as long as you come back to me, hold me in your arms and say you love me as much as I love you. If I lose you I don't think I could handle it. Please Sanny. Please come back to me.' I was sobbing my whole body shaking with sadness, my head was buried into her hand.

(please)

'I could never leave you.' I heard a soft voice say. Her British accent unmistakeable in the quiet room. I slowly raised my head convinced my mind was playing tricks on me. But when I looked up I was met with perfection. Her soft pouty lips curled up in a weak smile and her mocha coloured eyes staring into my blue ones. And as her eyes met mine she whispered. 'hey.'

'Santana?' I asked still unsure if what I was seeing was true.

'yeah Britt-Britt. I'm ok. Now you're here.' I leapt forward and kissed her. I felt a jolt of electricity course through my body as I felt the familiar sensation of her lips against mine. It had been too long and I missed her so.

Pulling away I rested my forehead against hers. 'Don't ever scare me like that again. Or I swear to god I will kill you.' she smirked and pulled me back in for another kiss.

'I won't Britt-Britt, I'm sorry. I love you Brittany. You're my only one.'

/

_**THE END.**_


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